Can I be anything I want to be?
What about free?
What about not insanity.
What if I throw all my pills down the sink?

Can I be steel on the bottom of the sea?
Waiting for rust and corrosion to eat me.
Finally feeling honest, because I really am that heavy.
Finally feeling something besides calamity.

Can I say what I actually mean?
I’m folding in, like your fold up chair.
I’m disposable. Just like you.
I feel like falling.
Please push me.

I’ve got all these lines and shades of grey
To contend with.
All for my benefit.
And I believe it.
So what the fuck am I doing?
What am I doing.

Remember when your sister was your best friend
And you cried the day she cut her hair
Because you knew she was no longer simply yours.
Remember watching lightning storms
On the front porch, and praying it would rain
If only for a while.
I felt small underneath some fireworks
While my cousins battled, you held hands
And I wanted to be understood.
And what I want is to finally feel some peace
Since I think I’ve always been in flux,
I’ve always been waiting for my heart to stop moving.
Always moving.
Remember when mom caressed our faces,
And it seemed like that was enough.
Why isn’t that enough?
What will be enough.