And I feel like the song you play repeatedly
Filled with cellos, pianos, and some sad harmony.
Only forgiving is played out for eternity
Like a lofty goal that’s never meant to be.
I keep comparing you to melodies,
Using words and verses to explain
Your autonomy.
There’s just something about your calamity.
You are fire burning warm and brightly,
I am pages torn for your stability.

(Insert profanity.)

Your heart is
Sacred.
You trust like a
Sparrow.
I’d give you all my bread,
But
You fly away when I get
Close.

You love like a
Harp does.
By offering only
Sad notes.
You love like a
mallet;
Crushing all my hopes.

And I am leaves raked into a pile. Made for you,
For your joy to jump into, to ruin, to break
To eventually throw away.
I am gravity, but you want the moon.

I miss the avenues.
I miss the ins and outs of me and you.
They cling to me, the memories.
Like honey to a spoon while making tea.
It’s tragic, the gravity
Of you and you and you and me.
I’m certain we’ll collide mid dream,
At least I assume that’s where we’ll meet.

I am November eleventh.
Muted. Grey. Orange and red.
Chaos reckoning the silence.
I’m just some kind of disaster.
Not waiting to happen,
But currently happening.
Traces of my manic heart
Are left in skin and bones.
I am not optimistic, goodness,
Nor an easy conversationalist.
Reserved, overwhelmed, emotional.
I’m not what they call desirable,
I have too many faults.
I use to call it passion.

Why is your brokenness so beautiful,
So enticing, alluring, inviting?
Why do I only want to fix you,
To tell you to keep on fighting?
How unfortunate, how desolate,
That my love holds no cure;
For you are the “beginning of terror,
Which we are still just able to endure”.

She’s fascinating. She’s been through things.
I was in love with her. She inspired me.
(I know this will read how you want it to read)
She is authentic, like the honey bees;
Doing what they do because it’s just the thing.
And she would always sing
Something about kissing and missing and being Free.
While drinking wine from a paper cup
Underneath The willow tree.